brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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