But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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