the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
