i barfeds in our rink
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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