good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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