Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Fuck appropriateness.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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