Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
