I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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