yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You can't motorboat a personality
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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