doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
