Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
