his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize