I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't deserve a penis
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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