this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Vodka?
Forever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
