I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
