Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
