He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
