I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
