how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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