i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
