Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
