he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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