You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
