Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize