aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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