i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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