:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
