I wish my penis had an off switch
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
