I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i think i have two assholes
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
