walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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