I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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