i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
