My friends, they love my intelligence
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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