Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
