Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Never joke about your clitoris.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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