I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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