You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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