...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
