It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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