dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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