I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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