I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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