I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
