It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize