Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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