so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize