shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
