Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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