I can tuck mytits in my pants
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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