i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
