how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
