i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She's the barista slut.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
