I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
