I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize