dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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