I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
