I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
