Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize