What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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