she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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