I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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