I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
