you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
