she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
