Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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