i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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