just tell him i said nine months
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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