I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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