Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
