i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize