What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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